


Patsy and Fenris vs. The Betrayal of the Companion Cube

by bettydice (BettyKnight)



Series: Kirkmall AU [8]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Humor, Kirkmall AU, Kirkmall B-Sides, Twin Hawkes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:30:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5764804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyKnight/pseuds/bettydice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They thought they could rely on the Companion Cube but they were gravely mistaken...</p><p>What to do if you run out of condoms in the middle of the night?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patsy and Fenris vs. The Betrayal of the Companion Cube

**Author's Note:**

  * For [codenamecynic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenamecynic/gifts).



“It’s empty.”

“What?”

“The companion cube. _It’s empty._ ”

Fenris stared into the cube, he still couldn’t believe it. When he’d first opened this thing all those weeks, months ago there were so many condoms in there, he never could have imagined that they’d ever run out. Well, they did fuck a lot. _A lot._ He couldn’t suppress the smug smile forming on his face, and why would he.

Patsy pressed against his back, her arms wrapping around his middle and peered over his shoulder to confirm his assessment.

“Shit. How? _Why?_ ”

Two excellent questions. Why had the condom companion chosen to desert them tonight of all nights? Patsy had been away visiting her sister Bethany for a week and Fenris had made the unpleasant observation of how long a week could be. It had only been 6 days and 5 nights, technically. And yet, long enough that he’d rushed over immediately as soon as Patsy texted him that she was back in her flat. At 2 a.m. Because he was awake anyway, it’s not like he had been desperately waiting for her message because he was eager to simply see her again and also masturbation wasn’t quite cutting it anymore.

“Okay, what do we do?”

Patsy’s voice close to his ear and her warmth against his back were both distracting reminders of why a condom would be very much appreciated right now, so he listened intently to her following suggestions in the hope that at least one of them would be sensible.

“Uh, we could both just masturbate.” Maker, no more wanking, please! Fenris vigorously shook his head. “You usually like watching me.” That he did but tonight he just really wanted, needed to be inside her.

“You could pull out and no, nope, no, let’s not go there. How about between the thighs? Is that… something that’s appealing? To anyone?” Not to him it wasn’t. More head shaking.

“Well, shit. Uhm, any stores open close by? Do you have any suggestions?” Her arms tightened around his waist and he could feel her tits pressing into his back which really was no help to the whole situation.

“Any stores open around here? Do you know any… friendly neighbours?”

“Oh, I have an idea!”

* * *

Mhmm, nice. Everything was nice. Warm and cozy. Bobby was lying on the sofa, half asleep, her head pillowed against Cullen’s rock hard abs. Okay, there was an actual pillow between her head and his abs. Because they were rock hard. As she was saying, everything was nice.

The documentary about a day in the life of a customs officer playing on her television was only of marginal interest to her, but Cullen liked watching that stuff and she liked falling asleep against him while he ran his fingers through her hair. Win-win.

While the customs lady opened a bag to find -gasp- a pack of undeclared cigarettes, her phone vibrated in her pocket and Bobby huffed as she peeled it out of her jeans.

 **Patsy:** r u awake  
**Bobby:** yeah are you home again? everything ok with beth?  
**Patsy:** yeah fine can I ask u 4 a favr  
**Bobby:** what is it  
**Patsy:** I need 2 borrow sth  
**Bobby:** what is it, Patsy  
**Patsy:** condoms

Bobby rolled her eyes until they fell out of her head, made a circle around her living room and then hopped back into her eye sockets.

“I can’t believe her!”

“Whassit?” Cullen’s bleary voice came from above her. Had he been asleep? Was this the documentary to finally defeat him with boredom?

“It’s just frickin’ Pastey being terrible. The usual.”

“Oh, I thought you might be referring to the lady trying to smuggle that whisky in her socks. How did she think she was going to get away with that?”

“I know, right?” Bobby patted his knee and suppressed the laughter bubbling up in her throat.

 **Patsy:** ??? Blobster come on  
**Bobby:** are you for real, like right now?  
**Patsy:** pls emergency  
**Bobby** : just keep it in your pants for one night is that so hard  
**Patsy:** it’s really hard right now that’s the problem  
**Patsy:** hehehehe  
**Bobby:** GET OUT  
**Patsy:** ok fenris will text u when he’s at your flat thx sis  
**Bobby:** UGH

* * *

On one hand, jogging to Bobby’s flat in the middle of the night to obtain some condoms seemed like something he’d never do. On the other hand, that’s exactly what he was doing at the moment. All because of the power of… lust? Something, anyway. Thankfully the twins lived very close to each other and the night air was actually quite pleasant. However, not as pleasant as other things he’d like to feel against his skin right now. Ah, there it was. Bobby’s house.

 **Fenris:** I’m here  
**Bobby:** I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU  
**Bobby:** wait a sec

After a few seconds of waiting, a window above him opened, Bobby’s head appeared and then a box was thrown at his head. He managed to catch it and grinned up at Bobby, waving with the condom box. He swore he could hear her groan under her breath and was about to turn away as she held up her hand.

“Fenris.” She leaned out of the window and hissed down at him. “Put one or two condoms back inside my mailbox, will you. Just in case.”

A male voice, presumably Cullen, could be heard from her flat saying something like “no need, I came prepared”. _Ugh_ , of course he did. Stupid Colin.

“Nevermind.” It was hard to make out in the darkness, but he was pretty sure Bobby narrowed her eyes at him. “Go have fun then. Assholes.”

Fenris just waved again and then started jogging towards the place where he planned to use up several of the condoms he was carrying across town.


End file.
